"President Bush has asked all the major networks for 15 minutes of air time on Thursday to give his farewell speech to the nation. Well, the White House says he's going to use part of the time to list his accomplishments. No word yet what he's going to do with the other 14 minutes." --Jay Leno
"But I think everybody has warm feelings for George Bush now. He held his final press conference yesterday. He admitted - it takes a big man to do this - he admitted that a couple things didn't go according to plan. A couple of things went haywire. His first term and his second term. Those two things." --David Letterman
"But President Bush did take credit for a couple of things. He said, you know, Dick Cheney hasn't shot anybody in a couple of years. So that's always good, right?" --David Letterman
"But it's nice to know that there is one person untroubled by the Bush presidency that is George Bush himself. He says he gave the presidency his 'all' for eight years and he didn't 'sell his soul for the sake of popularity'. You didn't need to! You sold ours." --Jon Stewart
"In an interview that was taped yesterday, President Bush said that the biggest disappointment of his presidency was the people who expressed bitterness about his leadership. And that was just at the Christmas dinner with his family." --Jay Leno
"President Bush had his final press conference today, and it went pretty well. Only three shoes were thrown." --David Letterman
"After eight years, it is kind of sad President Bush had his final press conference. And you know what that means for us here at the 'Late Show.' We're going to have to start writing our own comedy again." --David Letterman
"Barack Obama promised his kids he would get them a dog when they moved to the White House. But President Bush is nervous. When he heard dog in the White House, he thought, 'Uh oh! What if he digs up all those Al Gore ballots in the back?'" --David Letterman
"And you know, I think he's trying to struggle to come up with some accomplishments. They're trying to make him look good, you know. Like today, he took credit for ending the drought in New Orleans." --Jay Leno
"It was an historic day in Washington, as all four living presidents and our president-elect had lunch together at the White House. Presidents Clinton, Carter, both Bushes, and Barack Obama sat down to share a meal. President Bush was especially excited. It's his place, and when the guys all walked in, he said, 'Hey, you're the guys from the paintings in my office!" --Jimmy Kimmel
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